Thank you both. He was a bit of a Legend.
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We reached over 100 Replies! Thank you everyone who spread some awareness in this forum by speaking out how you are feeling or giving some advice to me or the other people in this thread.
Remember you are not alone.
Remember you are important and the people in this community care.
Nice to see there is somewhere on the internet where people treat this stuff seriously 
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You are all lovely
I am so sorry @Harm0nica for your loss. You are a wonderful person so I have no doubt that your kitty was loved and had the best life! 
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You are very kind Cerys. Thank you. 
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Yesterday was a real bad day so today I reflected on all the great people I met here @KageMaru @TavishHill @Cerysnetics @OneBadMutha being huge standouts and plenty others I have not tagged.
Being able to laugh is a huge way I try to cope with mental health and these people have Made me laugh and have been extremely kind and welcoming when I joined this community.
Everyone who is struggling today I hope you remain strong and find a way to keep your minds occupied whither that is from laughing or doing a hobby.
Thank you XboxEra for existing.
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Iâm so sorry to hear that flower, know that you are still doing great when you have bad days
We had both a wonderful and bad weekend, wonderful because we had fun with the kids, they were well behaved and just great value, we all cooked together, gorged on lamb and spent today with Oma & Opa. However I felt rotten, lethargic, drained of all willpower, and I just wanted to curl up and shut the world away. That in turn made my anxiety worse which set off my trick heart which then spiralled my anxiety as I feared it was getting worse again. I did need to take a Diazepam in the end, but I came through this evening and even had some time for a game.
Some days just trip me up from nowhere, and its still difficult to slog through them. Sincerely great job that you can do the same, if I can help in any way I am always here, I am no kind of professional, I have kids draining my energy & I am a neurotic mess but I am here, always. 
GREAT JOB flower!!! 
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Things will get better people.
It may take a while but the grey clouds always disperse to let the blue sky back in again.
We support each other and that is a great thing.
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I donât know why I would post this, its sat here on my laptop for like a week now.
So years after doing the right thing and everythign we were meant to do the school system and the health department fuck us over, our daughter has Covid, the early days were hellish, with no sleep and the terror of seeing her screaming with fever dreams unaware of who I was for 30 minutes at a time. Our youngest daughter suffering for 6 weeks with chronic ear pain was also told she desperately needed the polyps in her nasal canal removed and her ears drained and fitted with gromits or risk hearing loss.
Days and weeks where I just needed to speak to my mam, I was lost and alone and I never can any more, she is constantly at my fathers bedside after his hemoraggic stroke nearly four years ago. Four years ago he essentially died and yet he lingers on in body only, never meeting our youngest and leaving my eldest missing him dearly. Kept alive because, I donât know. We get updates but weâre medical engineers, we know the devices used to measure and prevent such things, he is effectively braindead, with whatever undamaged brain giving him rare seconds of recognition. You canât repair brains, he wont get better, I have to tell my daughters constantly they canât see Jaja since he will never get better and they canât see Nana since she is looking after himâŚ
Funny thing is he doesnât even like cats. Miserable cunt.
I kinda miss him, he was an arse but he was my dad I guess, but to me he died that day the blood vessel in his head burst, and since then I have lost not only my father but my mother and sister too, as they stay, working themselves to sickness looking after him, arguing with the NHS and paying a huge amount of money to keep him lingering and me 1000km away can do nothing to help but feel miserable for wishing he would die and worthless for not being a better person for them.
I always worked every Christmas, so it never felt particularly Chrismassy to me, I did used to have friends I worked with and we were equally unchrismassy together. I did like cooking christmas dinner with my mam, but I canât do that any more, my family here does not like UK Christmas dinner and tolerate me, but its not the same, weâre not drunk on martinis by 10:00 dancing to music and eating all the pigs in blankets before dinnertime.
And now weâre quarantined, sick and exhausted and I feel more alone than I have in a long time, I donât remember the last thing that made me laugh or when I was last able to talk rubbish without having to translate in my head or tailor myself to kids. Even my therapist isnt fluent, or rather we are both fluent but in different languages.
I donât even know why I bothered, I thought writing this would make me feel better but it hasnt. I realise how alone now.
I didnt fel this bad for over a year now, I hate that I felt better, it feels worse getting better when this happens.
Anyway, I guess if anyone else feels alone at Xmas, youâre not alone I guess, cos I am here alone too. I have forgotten how to cry though, so I may not be of any help.
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You know you can always hang out with us! Weâre here for you.
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Itâs hard to know the words to reply to this. I could simply say things will get better, which is easy to say but that doesnât help right now. Itâs almost like youâre climbing a mountain but you arenât anywhere near the peak to see the sunlight. The children being sick alongside the other factors are making you exhausted.
I know you are feeling alone right now, but please know that there are people to talk to. I for one will listen and Iâd talk all day long. Iâve suffered with depression and anxiety and itâs bloody horrific and Iâm not out of the other side completely yet. 2020 was a horrendous year for me and my family and I could talk to you about those problems. But this isnât about me.
Just know for one you are treasured by the Xbox Era community. And whilst it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Donât feel like outing your thoughts and feelings doesnât help, even if it doesnât feel it. Because itâs important to keep talking and getting these things off your chest. I really hope the kids start to feel better soon, the covid hopefully should be to one side then hopefully you can focus on the hearing side with the other little one. I sympathise with that too, I had the same when I was five. Had gromits. I kind of ignored my shit ears when I was in my teens and then two years ago I decided to go to the doctors and get sorted. I now wear hearing aids in crowded environments and to enhance my hearing.
Much love Cerys, love that you did post this and didnât dwell any longer
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I donât know what to say to make you feel better, but you should know that there are people who care about you (even if we never met in person). And your kids will hopefully feel better soon. Much love and hugs 
.
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Thanks @Predrag @Jordi @SuikerBrood
My anxiety has been the worst it has been for a long time these past two weeks, I really donât want to use my emergency Diazepam any more, but with us locked in the house and me being so alone I think I might have to, it always helped immensely until it came time to stop.
General thought it that Papi Cerys is just slowly fading away. I mean I knew that for 4 years, but if my mother and sister are saying that then he must be in really rough shape. I just feel bad I am not there for them, and that my life has just turned into cooking cleaning, worrying about children and being miserable even when playing games.
Anyway, sorry to bring everyone down, but thanks for your nice words, you helped a little I think, as did @TavishHill yesterday on Discord.
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Sorry to hear what you are going through Cerys. I lost my dad on Christmas eve 2019 after a long slow illness so I know partly what you are experiencing.
Things WILL get better for you. Just hang on in there. We are all here for you.
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Iâm so sorry Cerys I only just saw this today!
Stay strong and remember there is a lot of good people here that are willing to chat about anything from personal to complete bollocks when needed
I am deeply sorry for your loss
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