Back in February I wanted to make a post about how I changed jobs finally and that last year was hard.
I was in my previous job for nearly 5 years and I spent 5 months of last year in isolation from my family and my girlfriend who were on the other side of my country. I got out of it and what not. I decided to change Hong because it had gotten toxic.
At first it felt OK. Like I was growing. And I am growing I’ll be honest but I can’t feel joy when I at rest. I get anxious when making certain decisions and get depressed when I’m alone.
I quit smoking after 8 years of smoking 20s a day nearly 4 months ago. I stopped weed then also. My problem is that I may have substituted that with alcohol.
My girlfriend is super supportive but she has her own issues and I don’t want to burden her. She’s the best thing that has happened to me and I feel like I’m not adequate for her.
My new job involves me leading a team and I have massive massive imposter syndrome.
I’ve been trying to go to a therapist but I just can’t muster up the strength.
Im trying to keep this shirt after 2 glasses of wine so to not annoy you.
We’re mostly strangers here but this is the only community I feel sort of ‘safe’
I hope I can find brothers (or sisters and other kin) who I can perhaps speak with here and relate to.
I’ve heard it helps.
If this seems too much then my apologies for wasting your time.
Those are a lot of changes in a short amount of time, some good and bad, but all of which can drastically affect your mental state; habits breed a sense of safety, even those that aren’t necessarily the best to have. I’ve dealt with a lot of the same troubles throughout my life and while I don’t have all the answers by any means, I do have some advice:
Try to cut back on alcohol. I’m not going to tell you to stop drinking altogether; while I largely have (I have health issues that dictate me doing so), in moderation it’s fine… but it sounds like you’ve substituted a bevy of habits into an overabundance towards the one. Cut back where you can; trust me, your physical and mental health will benefit (alcohol is a masking agent, not a solution for your problems).
Talk to your girlfriend. If you’re serious about the relationship, you owe it to your partner to at least tell her what you’re going through - talking about these things with a partner is important, cathartic, and will help your partner understand you better (and shows you’re willing to trust her enough to share your insecurities). Also, know from experience… talking with Catherine and sharing all my worries, insecurities, and struggles saved our marriage.
Go to therapy! Seriously, what’s the worst that can happen? You get a crazy overzealous therapist? No problem, find another one. You’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain.
You have nothing to apologize for and you’re not wasting anyone’s time. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help, which is what you’re doing, and you’ve already taken the first step. My DMs are always open, and I’m always here to talk.
Edit: words… because I’m bad at editing late at night.
I’m sorry to hear about the troubles you are going through and wish you well through all of this. I’m glad you feel comfortable bringing it up to this community though. The issues you are facing are really complex and there will not be one solution to them.
You mentioned therapy, I’d highly recommend it, it’s great to have someone to talk through it all and that can pose questions that help you learn more and take steps to get where you want to be.
No idea if you already do so, but if not, I highly recommend exercise. Just find something that you enjoy doing whether it’s walking, hiking, running, lifting, basketball etc. I’ve always found that some exercise lifts my spirits and makes me feel better about myself.
The other thing id recommend is that if current events or news have you feeling down, delete the apps or put keyword blockers on terms that are not bringing you happiness. While it’s important to be informed, it’s also important for you to be happy and healthy I went through a social media detox a while back and felt much happier without added outside stress.
I commend you for posting this, I think a lot of us do, but rarely speak up about it, especially with males (which I think needs to change).
I think therapy really helps, but I also haven’t mustered up the courage to seek it out either (like yourself) so perhaps we can make a deal that we both end up going. I just wanted to throw my hat in there and say your not alone in these feelings.
So sorry to hear this man. Depression can be a huge motherfucker, my dad knew all about it for way too many of his years when he was alive. All kinds of anti-depressants and it only made it worse, well, 50/50 really. A gift and a curse.
So I hope you will not easily reach for any of that, there is always a better way first. I do not like one bit how (in my experience) doctors, psychologists and the whole shebang always have those goddamned medication as #1 on the list. They always mentioned that first and then they mention other way less heavy options and I do not like why they never start with those first.
Maybe seek out a support group where you can go to. But I also have another option for you, it’s called Elder Wisdom and through the years I’ve asked them for advice on life things. Elderly people who are there to help someone with all kinds of things.
Mate it’s never weak to speak just remember that. And there are a wealth of professionals who are out there that want to help you. Just keep making these small steps the first step is speaking up and recognising the problem
I have also been inactive on this forum because I have depression too. Turns out I am bipolar type 2, so… trying to cope with the diagnosis of a life-long disease which is characterized by being depressed most of the time for no reason. Yay!
It took me one month until I got enough strength to go talk to a therapist. Definitely worth it. Being able to talk about my struggles without being judged was… healing.
I have quite a few mental issues as well. I think that we build our personalities the wrong way because we keep adding defensive patches, all this is not even conscious . Then we stop liking ourselves.
Things like discipline or building habits normally don’t work in the long term IF we are not happy with ourselves, first we need to learn to let go of all the baggage.
It is a bit scary because we are so used to our persona that we identify with it. This is why things like meditation can make wonders, because we learn to put away that personality. Then we start realising that we have a inner self that is pure gold.
I mostly use this site to write joke reviews to keep things fun and light.
This will probably be the one occasion ill be serious.
I think you will find a lot of people here Will understand. A large amount of people would have experienced something similar.
I had crippling depression for 3 years, lost my job and could barely physically move. They tried everything from medication to ect and tms treatments.
The main thing that I have noticed is their is no real way of fixing thing’s easily. Time was the only thing for me. I can’t speak on your situation as i am not going thru it.
But, i will say that identifying exactly what the triggers are with a psychologist would be the first step.
You don’t have to change who you are as a person. Or take on the thoughts. Identify them as if you are playing a video game. Don’t try to fix them but just say. That’s interesting that I’m thinking that.